


Reparations

by aurrie



Series: all the galaxy's a stage [4]
Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Parental Abuse, Trans Bounty Hunter, allusions to self harm, difficult family relationships, hey there's blizz there in the background, it looks a little clunky admittedly but., it works, mako is a good egg, much shorter tags this time, parenthesis to denote different language being spoken, wheeee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24723220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurrie/pseuds/aurrie
Summary: An unexpected call.
Relationships: Female Bounty Hunter & Mako (Star Wars), Female Bounty Hunter & Male Sith Warrior, Female Bounty Hunter & Original Female Character
Series: all the galaxy's a stage [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787530
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

_The Audacity, D5 Mantis Patrol-Craft model._

Brenki's holocom chirps. _Unknown holofrequency._ It's her personal one, not the ship comm or the one she uses while on business. It's strange. Most people don't know about this one. She had Mako make sure people only called on their "official" lines. This is just for people she knows well. Her mothers _; Vama_ , _Umma_ and Ruhma, the twins; Zishna and Zashir; a few people she should really block now; her crew, and Rai.

She has a bad feeling about this. But she accepts the call anyway.

And her stomach drops.

It's a face she sees when she looks in the mirror staring right back at her. It's a face she hasn't seen in years. Well over two decades. And she's terrified. Absolutely terrified. She's an adult now. She hates that she still has that power over her. 

Thamura.

"<How the fuck did you get my frequency?>" she spits in Catharese, putting as much courage into her voice as she can muster.

Cream white fur and blonde hair. Brenki looks the spitting image of her otherwise. She has her curls and her eyes and the heart-shaped face. But she's older. Wearier. 

Her features curl in distaste, that proud, proud jaw, tightening. Cold. _Always_ cold, like the plains of Hoth. She still always gave off the air that she was looking down on you, even when they were eye-level, and the temperature around her dropped a few degrees when she looked at her in the eyes.

"<That's a little abrasive for your mother. I just thought that we should reconnect.>"

"<Really? Reconnect?> _" She snipes back. "_ <Forgive me if I don't believe you.>"

"<Yes. I always wanted to say that I was…>" she sniffs. "<That was proud of you.>"

Proud of her? She's dodging the question. As always. Where the fuck does she get off this? Thamura had never said she was proud of her. Not once.

"<Hm. I don't recall you ever having the spine to say that.>"

"<Khara, my daughter…>" trying to placate her using that overly saccharine voice that always made her skin crawl. So honeyed, the kind that she always used after screaming at her. 

"< _You're imagining things, Kharym, child, I never said that. Why are you telling_ Vama _lies? >" she croons ever so sweetly. Brenki is six years old and sniffling, her eyes all puffy and her nose running. "<Be a good boy for me and get us some more of the milk formula for your brother and sister, okay?>" _

She still doesn't know if she can trust her memories before _Umma_ came into her life and whisked them away to Dantooine. 

Her arms itch. She wants to pick at them so badly and scratch them up again. But she balls her hands into fists and digs her claws into her palms instead.

"<Maybe you wanted closure. I admit I've never been the best mother to you but… maybe a truce?>"

_Closure._ Yeah, right. That was an biggest understatement of the millennium.

Thamura continues without waiting for her to answer. "<And what about your brother and sister? I was hoping to talk to them too. Do you have their frequencies? It's been a long time since I've seen them; they were just kits then. They must be so grown up now.>"

_Oh._ So that's what this is really about.

She doesn't really care about her at all.

It's always been about Zishna and Zashir. 

Of course. The firstborn gets ignored. She's tried really, really hard not to resent them about something they weren't in control of, but it was still a struggle at times. Maybe that's why she felt closer to Rai.

She despised Thamura. The twins never remembered this, they were too young. They were three, at most. But Brenki did. Thamura loved them more than she loved her. She envied them for getting that love she never got. Salvurr and Ruhma were far kinder mothers. _Vama_ was much happier with them. All of them were. She's so glad _Umma_ took _Vama_ and them with her when they left Ord Mantell. Away where Thamura couldn't get her anymore. She envies Rai for never having to know this woman and only ever knowing kindness from the three of their mothers. He didn't know.

Rai. She wonders, for a moment, where he is right now. He didn't respond to any of her calls. The last time he saw him was Ilum.

But the worst part was that she still craved that love and affection she gave so freely to them. She got _scraps._ A fleeting hug, a quick pat on the head. Just enough to placate her in the moment. Barely.

Kindness one moment, barbs the next.

She hungered for that affection, longed for that motherly love from her. And Thamura starved her of it. But the words always hurt more than her hands did.

Brenki was always small, insignificant. Stupid. Reason and logic trumped her little tantrums and emotional volatility. 

_Thamura puts a hand on her cheek, meant to be a comforting gesture. Brenki freezes up anyway. " <Don't cry. Put on a happy face and the waterworks will stop.>" _

_But then her fingertips start to curl inward and she puts the barest pressure of claws lightly. They're sharp. Sharp enough to puncture. " < Smile for me? >" _

_But it's not a suggestion, it's a demand._

_She complies out of fear, a terrified rictus._

_" <That's better.>" _

"<No. _No._ Don't start this. You don't _get_ to be able pick and choose which children you want to talk about when you have a daughter that _you just dialled out of the blue you're currently on a transmission with._ I'm not playing holocall redirector or connector for you.>"

"<I'm sorry,>" she says, and she seems almost sincere. Almost. There's that little glimmer of a reprieve, and the barest hint of sunlight shining through the clouds. "<I'm sorry, if you feel that way, that you're upset-->"

And then it's gone. There's the cloudburst.

"<Sorry? You're _sorry? >" _Thamura has never apologized once in her life. "<Of course I'm fucking upset!>"

She's proud of how her voice doesn't shake. And tears prick her eyes but it's fine. It's fine. A steadying breath. She can hold her ground. She's strong. "<I was just a kid. And you treated me like _dirt_. You loved them more than me. You still do.>"

And there's durasteel in her voice now, growing stronger and more confident. These are things she's wanted to tell her forever. "<And I don't _want_ you back in my life. I don't want your excuses or whatever you think passes for an apology either.>" This woman's never been her mother. She birthed her, and that was it.

"<But-->" 

Brenki cuts her off again. She's not letting her get an inch.

"<I don't want anything you have to give. You're too fucking late. I'm not letting you talk to them. Anything you want to say to me, or to them, you should have said _years_ ago, _Thamura_.>" she says, spitting the name like venom. It is. It's venom. Everything that belongs to her is covered in it. But it gives her power and leverage over her. That's what she needs right now. Thamura is not her mother, and never will be. She doesn't deserve to be called that and never did. "<Because you've lost your chance. I spent years getting over what you did to me. But I did it. I got my closure.>"

And she bores her gaze into the image of that woman, the one she hates more than anything in the entire galaxy.

"< So. So should you. Because I'm not your daughter.> " And she says those words with resounding finality. "<Take your own damn advice and find yours without me.>"

She cuts the transmission before she can get another word in.

There's a gentle weight on her shoulder. She looks up behind her shoulder. Mako had snuck up on her then, because it's her hand that weight belongs to. Steadying. She needed that. She doesn't realise how much she's shaking until then.

"I'm really proud of you. That took real guts to stand up to her."

"You got what we were saying?"

"I turned off my translator program, I didn't wanna intrude, but you sounded pretty upset." She raises her hands in surrender when she realises she's admitted to eavesdropping, Brenki can see it in her body language, all guilty. "I swear I wasn't listening in on purpose!"

"I know," she says fondly. She believes her.

"Ok, ok, that's good. I wouldn't want you to think that. Because I don't wanna be that kind of person, y'know." And she's babbling again, the same thing she did when she asked Khara to take her with her to Dromund Kaas after she'd already said yes.

She stops and catches herself. "I'm sorry. I made it about me again. I just wanted to check in. That's all."

"Yeah," she laughs, humourlessly. Those few short minutes were a really draining conversation. "Family is tough." 

"It sure sounds it." Mako nods. "Want a hug? I hear it's a good cure for conversations with shitty parents."

She nods because she's biting her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. It might be bleeding a little. And Mako just. Holds her as she sobs into her shoulder without complaint. Mako is _so good._

"You don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay." Mako rubs her back in soothing circles motions and squeezes her hand. "I'm gonna block her frequency for you and encrypt yours so that's never gonna happen again."

"Thanks," she says finally, when she recovers enough to be able to talk again and pulls back to give her a watery smile. "It means a lot."

"Any time. You mean a lot to me too." 

"Flatterer." She sniffles and nudges Mako in the ribs. 

She feels a little better now.


	2. Chapter 2

_Dantooine, a few days later._

Umma is there at the spaceport to greet her with open arms and a beaming smile. enveloping her in a tight hug. Her hair's not been plaited back today, loose over her shoulders and down past her knees, auburn. Guess she's not working today. Rai really does look like her. "<Vama having a bad pain day today?>"

She nods. "<Yes. She says she's really sorry she couldn't meet you here at the spaceport, but she and Ruhma will be thrilled to see you when we get back home. How are you?>"

"<Doing okay. I brought some credits and some stuff that should last you a while I picked up on the way here. Bought it in bulk.>" 

She shows her back just outside the docking bay of the Audacity where it's being unloaded by the rest of her crew with a fork lift and being loaded onto a battered cargo hovertrawler. Torian nods curtly at her and Blizz jabbers away waving enthusiastically from his little perch ontop of the roof. Gault is somewhere at the back probably, maybe slacking off again. Mako gives her a warm smile, and she smiles back. 

"Hello," Salvurr says, and she waves to her crew. "<You have a very colourful crew. Is that a Jawa?>"

"<They're good people. Mostly. And yeah, that's Blizz. Real good with tech.>"

"<I'd imagine. Never think I'd see one off of Tatooine.>" Her brows furrow in confusion "<But… "Blizz"? That doesn't sound like a very Jawa like name>.

"Utinni!" he exclaims, revving up to start junking the old trawler. Uh oh.

"Hey Blizz, don't take any parts from there, that's my mom's, so leave that in one piece, ok?" He gives her a thumbs up in acknowledgement. And then she adds, "No mods either." He deflates noticeably, and chatters something she thinks is more or less disappointment.

But she's sure he's going to listen. Satisfied he's not going to do anything to the trawler, she turns back to Salvurr.

"<He's special like that. I'll tell you all about how we met and what the rest of us have been been up to.>”

"<I'd like that. I'm very impressed that you got him to listen to you. But Khara…>" and she looks over the sheer amounts of inventory they're bringing out the ship. "< We can't accept this. This is far too much. >"

Brenki raises her hand and smiles. "< Already done. I can afford it, really, it's really nothing.>"

"<You're really sure about this?>" Salvurr says, amazed.

"<Absolutely.>" And her hand brushes against a pocket and there's something in there that bulges out. "<Oh, nearly forgot. This is for you. Thought you would like it.>" She pulls the object out and hands her a little box wrapped up in blue and lilac paper.

Her face splits in delight almost instantaneously as soon as she opens the box. It's a miniature of an Aratech Fire speeder that hovers on the little stand all on its own, accurate to the last detail down to the orange flame decal along the chrome red body.

"<This model is limited edition! And it hovers! How in ancestor's name did you come across it?>"

"<Oh, you know. I have my ways.>" she says evasively and winks. Gault was good for something at least. 

"<You're too sweet, Khara. How I deserve a daughter as lovely as you is beyond me.>" A fond, genuine smile. Being with Umma is easy in the way that being with Thamura never was. Never having to justify herself for being in her way. She was wanted here.

"<Well, like I said, I got the money to spare now, and you deserve something nice every once in a while. I know you like your speeders,>" she says sheepishly.

"<That I do.>" Her face goes sombre for a moment. "<…. Anything from Rai'lyos? I know you gave him our frequency, and we have his but… he never responds.>"

She shakes her head. "<No, nothing. I think he'll talk to us in his own time. He's… he's trying, Umma.>"

Salvurr nods and closes her eyes. "<I see.>" A beat. "<I miss him terribly, Khara. We all do.>"

"<I know. I feel the same way.>" It's hard. He doesn't want to connect yet. Maybe he's ashamed and too afraid to come back home yet. It's been almost eight years since the incident. But it's still a difficult thing to talk about. "<But at least we know he's alive.>"

"<Yes. I suppose that's true. Sometimes it's even harder to know that, though.>"

"<Have faith in him.>"

"<I will.>" She smiles fondly. "<Any day now.>"

"<Yeah. Any day.>" This might be the best time to broach the subject of Thamura now, too. "<I… wanted to talk to you about something, too.>"

"<Okay. I'm listening.>"

Brenki sighs. "<Thamura… my birth mother. She contacted me a few days ago. I don't know how or where she got my frequency, but she did.>"

She looks concerned and her ears droop a little. "<Are you okay?>"

"<Yeah. Just got a little shaken up is all.>"

"<I know the woman. She was very bad to Vanami and you.>"

"<All the more reason why I'm grateful you took the four of us offworld with you and married _Vama_. You're a way better mom than Thamura ever was to me.>"

"<I would normally say I'm flattered, but I'm well aware that's that's a pretty low bar.>"

"<Practically _underground_.>" She laughs, momentarily feeling less tense. There's her usual self coming out again. "<Wanted to… apologize. But it wasn't really. Just wanted to get at me and ask after the twins and I just…>" She sighs. "<I felt so helpless. So unwanted. Everything that I thought I'd already come to terms with was suddenly dragged out again.>"

"<I… I get it. My parents were the same, I think I told you about it.>"

"<A little. But that was a long time ago.>"

Salvurr nods. "<I was never… wanted. But they're not my family anymore. I decided I didn't want them. I chose to kick them out of my life and never let them back in. I don't even care if they're dead or not. And you don't have to let her back into your life, either.>"

Salvurr takes her hands in hers.

"<You're my family now, Khara. You always have been. And I'm yours.>" She brushes a stray lock of hair out of her face, and cups Brenki's face in both her hands to brush away the tears that have welled in her eyes and spilt down her cheeks, giving her a long meaningful look before kissing her forehead.

" _Ra'tikaya ri, Khara_. <And I'm so, so so proud to have you as my daughter.>" And she's crying too now. They bow their heads together and touch foreheads.

"Ra'tikaya ri irhifie, _Umma_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick translation notes:  
> > Ra'tikaya ri - I love you  
> > Ra'tikaya ri irhifie - I love you too


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an epilogue, of sorts.

_ The Audacity, a few weeks later. _

She gets through to Rai, finally. No image, just audio. It's a little static-y, but the transmission is clear enough.

"Umma wants you to call her, you know. Everyone back home does."

"I know."

"You can't hold out forever on them." 

A sigh. "I know. I sent them a letter yesterday."

"Hey, that's a start. You opened up a dialogue."

"They sent a really long one back. Still figuring out how to reply. But I don't think I can face them, Khara. What if they hate me?"

"Why would they hate you?"

"Because of…" he trails off. "Because I'm Sith. I hurt people. I have a body count in the thousands."

"So do I."

A derisive snort. "That's different."

"I hunt people for money. That's not exactly the most moral work either."

"I haven't told them what happened to me. What I've done. I don't want to and I know they're going to ask. They already are."

"Just tell them."

"How? I'm a horrible person, Khara. I don't even know any  _ Rusari _ anymore. How can I come back like this, when it's already been so long _. _ What kind of a son is that?"  She imagines him slumping down in the chair, tired resignation creeping into his voice. "This isn't fixable."

"But you can come back. It just keeps getting longer the longer you let it. So you have to try. I promise it'll be ok. They'll forgive you. Just… come home.  _ Please." _

  
  


A long, long silence passes.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. I'll try."

"I'm really proud of you for trying, Rai. _ Ra'tikaya ri, skae ina _ ."

"..."

"... Do you remember that at least?"

_ "Ra….'tikaya… ri ...irhifie, ona _ ," he stutters through the answer, but he's got the order down. She smiles _.  _ "I love you too, sister."

The smile on her lips creeps into her voice. "So you do remember a little."

"It's… coming back to me. Slowly. Been studying when I get downtime. Which is. Weird. The accent is going to be a surprise."

Brenki winces. He sounds absolutely nothing like how he used to, so it will be a shock. Thick Cathari traded for clipped Imperial.

"Yeah. But that's ok. You'll get there. I'm sure of it." 

"I hope so. I really hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick translation notes  
> > Ra'tikaya ri, skae ina. - I love you, little brother  
> > Ra'tikaya ri irhifie, ona - I love you too, sister.

**Author's Note:**

> Brenki is sometimes used interchangably with Khara, her nickname, because Brenki is just what she goes by in public and what I usually refer to her as. Her full name is Berakhara Dvuhmi, and 
> 
> Because Brenki has THREE mothers there's some distinctions between the three of them in the way she refers to them.
> 
> Vama - Vanami, her other bio mother.  
> Umma - a word I came up for, referring to Salvurr, her stepmother, and Rai's bio mother  
> She doesn't refer to Ruhma differently.l  
> Also Rai is Rylthos, my Warrior, and Brenki's half-brother. That's his nickname derived from his original name, Rai'lyos.


End file.
